U16s masterful performance at Instonians
By Philip Johnston
This week found the mighty U16s travelling to Shaw’s Bridge to play mid-table Instonians, (Quaerere Verum and all that), also home to Cooke RFC and scene of the latest “Ulster Rugby” in flagrante delicto so I’m probably better watching my modus operandi for any lapsus linguae in this great magnum opus, as would not like to be persona non grata. So...caveat lector, feel free to treat this epistle cum grano salis for damnant quod non intellegunt.
And so.. with a heavily depleted squad and near to non-existent coaching staff (obviously ignoring Trevor’s water bottle carrying skills) and with having so many players in different positions, some swift, out of the box, blue sky thinking was needed from someone whose positional and tactical nous is unsurpassed at youth level rugby anywhere, probably not only in Ulster, but maybe even Ireland and dare I say it Europe – ladies and gentlefolk, I give you the finely manicured bearded Guv’nor - Gary C.
It was at this point that the excellent, and dare I say it modest, Gary not only displayed his total commitment to the U16s but also a flair for coaching backs, not seen since the days of Harry Williams and the “Class of 99”.
With the invigorating master tactician Gary confidently commanding operations from the side-line Malone found themselves up by two tries within the first quarter, and by half time were leading a comfortable 24-0.
Showing some of the deft new skills taught by Gary (did he study under Houdini, because some of them were magic) the backs seemed unstoppable in the 2nd half and with the Instonian’s back line pretty much constantly on the back foot, Malone ran in a further 4 tries to win the game 52-0.
An impressive display of rugby from the boys and some truly outstanding and dynamic coaching from the current Mr U16s himself - Gary Crawford.
I am currently writing this report from East Midlands airport and all information has been supplied in the above unabridged format by Gary Crawford - at this point is anyone other than me visualising Gary C as the lead role from "Gary - Tank Commander" (also Nathan I’m sure you were missed, he even threw in a wee bit of Latin just for you).
This match report is protected under the copyright laws of the Gibson Park Red Sox. Any unauthorized exhibition, distribution, or copying of this report or any part thereof may result in civil liability and criminal prosecution (or at least some comment from the BBC). While the story, names, characters, and score line portrayed in this report are factual, any indication of sporting prowess, tactical ability or indeed any semblance of anything other than a “Going for Gold” level of intelligence is entirely fictitious. No animals were harmed in the making of this report.